The art of reading minds in sales
For a salesperson to sell a customer everything they need they need to identify the needs of their customer. And often, the customer themselves does not even know what they need. A proactive salesperson listens and inquires. This helps build trust between the customer and the salesperson. It is important that the customer comes to view the salesperson as an expert who can find them just the right solution to their problems. When service works, everyone is happy.
I read The Art of Reading Minds by Henrik Fexeus. Could Fexeus’s tips be used to improve the aforementioned service situation in a way which the customer is even happier, while simultaneously making even more money? The book might not teach you how to beat your friend at poker, but it might give you good tips on how to improve your presence and get on the same wavelength as your customers.
Are you ready to take your salesperson’s “listening skills” to a whole new level? I borrowed a few tips from the book which are especially useful in sales and customer service situations.
According to Fexeus the key to building a good rapport is adapting to the other persons favoured communication style. When you nonverbally express yourself the same way as your conversation partner, they will understand you better. This means that your customer won’t have to “translate” your non-verbal communication into a form that suits them. If successful, you reduce the risk of misunderstandings and make your conversation partner like you more. When you can adapt to your customer’s communication style, you show them that you are just like them. People like people who are like them, so your customer service will surely improve.
“When you nonverbally express yourself the same way as your conversation partner, they will understand you better.”
Movement
You can use body language to build a connection by tracing or mirroring. While tracing, you move the same body part as the person you are tracing. For example, if they move their right hand, you also move your right hand. Mirroring is used while sitting or standing opposite of another person. Mirroring must be done subtly, by moving in small incremental steps. Movement can be done on a smaller scale, by using facial expressions for example. If needed, movements can be delayed a little, to not make the situation weird. When you are consistent, the customer will subconsciously register your movements as similar and will think you are “the same”. After a connection has been formed, it is also possible to turn a customer’s closed body language to a more open one. This must be done in small, incremental steps, however. First you should mimic the customer’s timid stance and speech patterns, and gradually start changing your own expressions to be more open.
“When you are consistent, the customer will subconsciously register your movements as similar and will think you are “the same”.”
Voice
Another powerful tool to building a connection is voice. This is done by adapting your own voice to the other person’s. A voice has several different components: pitch, fullness, variety, speed, and volume. By mimicking some of these, it is possible to match another person’s voice. Language can also be used to build connection. This can be done by using similar slang, vocabulary, and expletives (filler words) to the other person. A common example of connection is that others around you can tell who you’re on the phone with based on the tone and style of your speech. In his book, Fexeus explains how connection can be built in different ways — including through digital channels.
Breathing
A third method of building a connection is by mimicking the other person’s breathing. The way to see breathing depends on the style: is breathing deep or shallow, is it happening with the chest or with the diaphragm. If you want someone to calm down, you should exude calmness through your voice, movement and breathing.
Agreement
Another good way to build a connection is by agreement. In doing so, you’re trying to find an opinion or concept that you can agree upon with the customer. People like to talk about themselves, so you should encourage that. This is also a good way of building a connection.
Are you connected?
A way to test whether or not you have successfully built a connection is by changing your body language or speed of voice and seeing if the customer changes theirs in response. If not, you should go back to conforming to their expressions. Conversations go through constant steering and conformation, which goes on until participants either agree on everything or the conversation ends.
Posture also matters. If your customer’s feet are pointing directly at you during conversation, you’ve got their attention. When standing side by side they feel equivalent to you, but crossed legs mean they either need to pee, or feel inferior to you. While seated, your conversation partner is focused on you if they maintain eye contact. An interested person will usually lean towards you slightly. Their pupils will also dilate when they get interested.
“An interested person will usually lean towards you slightly. Their pupils will also dilate when they get interested.”
Favoured sense
The book also talks about people’s favourite senses, and people are divided into visual, auditive, kinaesthetic and neutral sensers. Fexeus illustrates the EAC-model, which allows one to determine a person’s favoured sense, and adjust their style of expression accordingly. This allows a connection to be built more easily. Because people are unique, it’s important to remember the main rule of the book: if you do something and it doesn’t work, stop and do something else (Milton H. Erickson).
This article uses concepts from Henrik Fexeus’s book The Art of Reading Minds: Understand Others to Get What You Want (2019)
